It’s so easy to find the reasons why you should grab your phone – I have to check if my Friday meeting is still on; remembering that I left a bill unpaid; interested in how many degrees is it outside; Oh, so cool, I’ll make a picture. And then, the thumb automatically turns to the Instagram icon and I’ll scroll there until I hit other applications that were not at all a reason for grabbing my phone. Familiar story?

Although this is an old news, exactly, news, because it has recently been talked about a lot, and even now, from time to time, posts in theme of ‘smartphone detox’ etc. emerge in social media, I came to this conclusion a few days ago. I was at a Christmas concert and I listened to the artists and as bizarre as it is, during it I was thinking about what I had left undone and what could be fixed with just few clicks.

While living in Spain, I had a habit of constantly holding my phone, because it was harder to steal it this way – small handbags that hung over your shoulder were an easier mark as there was no control over your things and this is how my phone was stolen as well. I’ve been religiously practising this habit even after moving away, so far that when I handed my phone to my mother for the time of the concert, there was real feeling that something was missing. I get that you’re missing a watch when you’re used to wearing it every day, but a phone? Ringing any alarm bells much?

In my head I often tell myself that I use the phone to take photos and that’s why it’s important to always take it with you. You know, so that you always have the ability to take pictures and videos to keep your content up to date and your own memories stored (because of course, nobody would ever believe your stories about a magical sunset or how cutely your cat yawned). To show myself how big a deception it is actually for me, I have forced myself to leave the phone at the house if I go for a shorter photoshoot, because the camera comes with it – capture as much material as you want.

Another alarming thing I’ve discovered is how I tend to pick up the phone while watching shows/movies. As someone forced me to watch it and I have to kill time. Nooo. It’s like I constantly need some action, so even if there is a moving image in front, I feel it is not enough and I need an extra simulator to entertain my brain. And, in fact, this drifting around the phone is totally senseless and will not bring a particularly positive result to any of my goals. I do not generally respond to emails or nor edit images, just read some news, gather inspiration from Instagram or shamelessly scrolling. If wanted, then these activities can be excused, but not doing it in total for hours a day.

And the most ironic thing is that it’s embarrassing for me to constantly grab the phone or carry it like a chihuahua to the room-room. I’m embarrassed to unlock the screen again when I spend time with parents downstairs or when I am cooking and killing the time while waiting. Why can I not be in the moment? Why do I need a consistently excitement and a changing images in front of me? And why am I so devout to make good excuses, why is it useful for me?

I just wanted to write it down. I have not yet solved this problem and nor made drastic measures limiting my screen time etc., but I intend to do so. If nothing else, maybe people around me will notice it more and will try to make a habit to notify me of doing it again. Or maybe it made you review your patterns. In one of the following posts, I write definitely about setting goals, and limiting my (counterproductive) screen time is definitely one of them. Are you struggling with the same habit, or have you overcome it?